Forbidden
by Delia1
Summary: This is a A/J fan fic of Alanna. kinda weird. Jon teaches Alanna about love, the forever kind.
1. why?

Moonlight and silliness. The words repeated over and over again in my mind.  
  
Why? Why had I given in to Jonathan's plea? Maybe I'm just being crazy. Maybe I did do the right thing. Maybe I am just paranoid. However I am still not sure about what went on last night.  
  
Did John just say those things to get me in bed? A new virgin for him to have fun with, is that what I am?  
  
Regret, it has so many faces. How will I survive my knight training if I am unable to look my knight master in the eyes.  
  
His eyes. How their deep saphire used to warm me. I looked over to Jon laying next to me. Why? I asked myself again. Saphire, is that not a beautiful colour? I no longer know. After a night of them looming in my mind I am unsure. 


	2. Discovery

After a wonderful night I awake and look to my left. A beautiful figure of my lover lays there. I finally had the chance to proclaim my love to Alanna. However hesitant she may have seemed she knows now the depth of my passion for her. Or does she? Does she know that my feelings are more than only physical? Does she know that the depth of love I have for her I have never felt for anyone else?  
  
Did she really mean what she said about this only being a case of moonlight and sillyness? Did she really mean that she never wanted to love a man?  
  
Damn. What have I done? Did I pressure her into this or was it her own free will? More and more it feels like forcefullness. Will she ever truly trust me? 


	3. Love

OMG  
  
Thanx so much for you peeps who reviewed! All my smileZ today go out to ya'll! Sorry 'bout the wait!  
  
P.S. starts at Alanna.  
  
*******************  
  
I woke and looked to my right to find my dear Jonathan there. Was he still my dear Jonathan? He stared back at me, almost apologeticly. He understood me.  
  
A gracious smile swept across my face as I stepped out of his bed and silently excused myself into my own quarters. I let out a heavy sigh. My thoughts were all wrong. He did love me. The only question was did I love him in the same depth.  
  
I grabbed my uniform, required by all squires, and slipped it over my slim figure. I went to the solid oak door that lead to the main hallway and began towards my first class, swordfighting.  
  
Throughout the class mind wondered back to Jonathan's quarters.  
  
Am I really ready for a relationship with so much at stake? If someone found out about our secret love affair the truth about me would be out. Lying to those I cared for, just to be apprehended. Was it worth the pain we both would have when I left on my adventures? Was it worth the shock for his father to find he loved me not some unknown princess that Jon should love?  
  
Why must life always be so difficult?  
  
I concentrated on my class again. We were about to begin one on one combat, and I was to be last.  
  
I watched as person after person fumbled with the `heavy` weapon. Blocking and tearing the two bore onto each other, each hoping to gain some kind of advantage. Finally the weaker opponent always tired, and ended up with the dull point of a practice sword gently scratching the contender's neck.  
  
At last I was handed a dull grey practice sword. I rotated my wrists and stepped up to fight.  
  
An earsplitting ring shoot through the cool autumn air as my sword thundered against my oponents. He he was new. This unknown boy had been training for knighthood in a far corner of Sarain. This would be his first chance to prove himself as a warrior. To bad it had to be against me, one of the best fencers in Tortall.  
  
Another crash of unpolished metal as of swords collided. I swung around in a large halfmoon cresent again my sword striking his. Swing after swing I bore onto him, but each time my blow was intercepted. Like every other duel that day we separately exchanged thrust and blocks neither one of us gaining an advantage over the other. After what seemed like hours I could finally hear the heaviness of my oponents breaths over the stomping of our shod feet. He stumbled and I thrust my sword into the bridge of his neck leaving at small gouge on his unprotected skin.  
  
He stood up.  
  
"What's your name?" I questioned as I held out my hand.  
  
He pushed it to the side and walked away, but before leaving he told me, "Liam... Liam Ironarm."  
  
***************************  
  
I turned over in bed, as I heard Alanna rustle next to me. I looked her straight in the eyes. I put on my look of deepest regret. She stared at me for a moment and then walked off into the ajoining room, hers.  
  
As a knight I had no classes and my father being a wonderful man had decided that I would have no duties or patrolls today, so I had the day to myself.  
  
I got out of bed and slipped a pair of loose breeches over my muscular form. I also through a heavy sweater over my chest to fully protect me from the harsh wind that seep through the castle walls.  
  
I walked over to the hard wooden chair that lay in my chambers. What will I do today? I thought about Alanna again. Did she understand my silent apology?  
  
I sat down. I looked to the stack of parchment and the quills on my desk. I pulled some paper closer to me and dipped a quill in the deep brown ink.  
  
Dear Alanna,I began. Wait, no, I love her. I tore the sheet and tossed to the floor.  
  
Darling Alanna, I tried again. I am sorry if I forced you into anything last night. I know that I hurt you.  
  
I continued writing, explaining everything to Alanna. I mean everything, from why I was in such a rush to bring my feelings for her to the next level to that feeling that embraces me when she merely looks in my direction. I completed the note with my deepest sincerety saying I loved and love her. 


End file.
